I need a lot of help

I'm not some looser who's only friend is the computer, and brags about being the excel master from there moms basement. <!-- / message -->

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Perhaps you should stop crying, learn how to spell [loser] and use the proper words in sentences [their].

This is excellent. It's really brightened up my afternoon. Thanks, macrates.

I've just looked at your original post and if you can't answer some of those questions already, then you're probably not quite ready for that promotion just yet.

Good luck with your life - and your girlfriend. I'm sure she's very proud.

Where do you work so I can apply? I'm in need of a promotion.

I didn't need you to do my homework it was to help me get a promotion

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That's homework

IF you didn't know the answers (or at least couldn't look in help files, or try testing yourself) then you don't deserve the promotion.

Your employer is asking these questions to see if YOU know the basics of Excel.
They don't want to know if you know someone else that knows the answer...

Now that I'm finished laughing, a few points.
First, lashing out at the people from whom you want help: not productive.
Second, consider for a moment a role reversal. Think of the one thing in your professional life that you do best, something that we Excel types would not know how to do, or even where to start. If I came to you with questions in your field of expertise, things you've known for so long that you no longer even remember learning them, you would feel like you were doing my homework for me. You probably would consider it cheating to just give me the answers.
Third, although you didn't get your questions answered, you did get a few useful suggestions (the Help menu, the try-it-and-see method) which were proffered in a respectful manner. Unlike your retort here (not in the original thread, I notice).
Fourth, as far as this goes:

...everyone who responded probably couldn't answer the the questions, and must not know as much as they think they do...

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If you take a look at the people who did respond, you'll see that two of them are listed as MrExcel MVP's and all three have thousands of postings. Take some time and look through some of their posts. You will see that the questions they tackle are ALL a good deal more complex than "True or False: If you don't like the colors in an Excel chart, you can change them". From this one should conclude that in fact they could answer your questions.

Many of us on the board (including me) have learned a lot from these three. At one time, years ago, they no doubt were new to Excel, as you are now. However, they have all put in the time to become better than that. It does take time. If the career path you are following requires Excel proficiency, you will need to put in some time as well. As Mike and Crimson both suggest, opening up a spreadsheet and performing the steps in the question is a good way to learn the answers. The fact that you don't already know the answers means that if you got the promotion you seek, you would be seriously out of your depth. I would suggest that you use the questionnaire as a starting point for your further study of Excel. You might want to watch this message board too. Read through the list of questions and try to come up with an answer yourself. Any question for which your answer is "I don't know how to do that either" read the responses.

Good Luck!

I looked at the original post - promotion? Where do you work, McDonalds?

Mind you, judging from your attitude, you're probably on some bluechip management fast track, bungee'ing in and out of successive departments, changing stuff for changes sake and not sticking around to fix the damage.

Not that I have any experience of this happening....

PS some of those questions aren't even worth answering.