Avast ye scurvy dogs!

Von Pookie

MrExcel MVP
Feb 17, 2002
Arr, today be Talk Like a Pirate Day, me buckos!

Aye, now it be time for learnin' or ye'll walk the plank. o_O

Methinks this ship be in dire need of a pirate smilie, aye. Since we not be havin' a pirate smilie, I'll be usin me own.

'Tis a fine day, Polly, is it not?


Excel Facts

What does custom number format of ;;; mean?
Three semi-colons will hide the value in the cell. Although most people use white font instead.

Von Pookie

MrExcel MVP
Feb 17, 2002
Yarr, I be unable to find a moving picture version, but here be a transcript of a Ye Olde Saturday Night Live skit:

(Opens with a shot of the Holiday Inn hotel. Cut to an activities board that reads: 1:00 Schwartz Bar Mitzvah 4:00 Real Estate Seminar 7:30 Pirate Convention. Growling is heard and dissolves to room decorated with pirate stuff, big skull banner with cross bones. A group of about 10 guys dressed in authentic pirate attire. Eye patches, hats, bandannas, scarfs,wild hair, the whole 9 yards. Red beard Pete has a parrot on his shoulder, he is at the podium)

Red Beard Pete:(gruff voice) Settle down, settle down, settle down. Ahoy! Maties! I welcome ye to the fourth annual pirate convention. I be your moderator Red Beard Pete. We first like to thank the good people of the Milwaukee Holiday Inn for the accommodations. Not out first choice but there was no vacancy at our favorite hotel the Ritz Car-r-r-r-r-r-lton.

All pirates: CAR-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-RLTON!! ARRR-ARRR!!

Red Beard Pete: All right, now I would like to welcome my first mate Dinkins to the stage for roll call.

(Dinkins steps up to the podium)

Dinkins: Roll call. A-r-rthur-r-r-r-r!

Arthur: AHOY!


Bartholomew: Present and accounted for-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!

Dinkins: Ted!

Ted: Here.

Red Beard Pete: All right, all right we don´t need a roll call. Ok, first order of business. Picking a location for next year´s convention. Any ideas?

Bartholomew: AR-R-R-R-R-RKANSAS!!

Red Beard Pete: Maybe. Anyone else?


Red Beard Pete: Nice one.

Dinkins: Boston.

Red Beard Pete: Hmmm, Boston? Kind of an odd choice.

Dinkins: Bear with me. We can drive there and when we arrive, we can PARK THE CA-R-R-R IN THE HAR-R-RVAR-R-R-RD YA-R-R-R-R-RD!!!

All pirates: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Red Beard Pete: Boston it is! All right, it be time to bring out our keynote speaker. I think you all will be pleased. Dinkins do the honors.

Dinkins: Aye. Joining us today is film and stage sta-r-r-r, Peter Sarsgaar-r-r-r-r-r-d!

All pirates: SARSGAA-R-R-R-R-R-R-RD!!!

(Actor Peter Sarsgaard walks up to the podium in suit and tie)

Red Beard Pete: Hello, Sarsgaa-r-r-r-r-rd!

Peter Sarsgaard: You can call me Peter.

Red Beard Pete: No, thank you.

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, well it´s an honor to be here. I don´t know a lot about pirate culture but when my agent told me about this convention I immediately said yes. I´m always up for experiencing new things so I hope to learn as much from you guys as you may from me.

Red Beard Pete: Ok, time for Q/A. Ok, who will be having a question for Sarsgaard?

Dinkins: Yes, yes. Do ye be knowing what the film "The Wedding Crashers" was rated?

Peter Sarsgaard: Not of the top of my head but I think there was some nudity so maybe it was rated "R"?

All pirates: R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R!!!!!

Arthur: You worked with many talented actors over the years. Have ye ever worked with cross dressing Corporal Klinger from "MASH"?

Peter Sarsgaard: You mean Jamie Farr?

All Pirates: FAAAA-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R!!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: No, I´ve never worked with him.

Arthur: Ok.

Bartholomew: What be the name of the best web site to see people make love to barnyard animals?

Peter Sarsgaard: I don´t know. Umm, maybe animalloveclub.com?

Bartholomew: No, not that one. I was thinking loveinthebarnyard.or-r-r-r-r-r-rg!!

All pirates: OO-R-R-R-R-R-RG!!!!

Bartholomew: Arr,(takes out notepad)what be the name of that first one again?

Peter Sarsgaard: It´s animalloveclub.com.

Bartholomew: Animal,(writes on notepad)dot com, thank you.

Pirate 1: What be your favorite food chain that specializes in roast beef sandwiches?

Peter Sarsgaard:(sighs, catching on)Arby´s?

All pirates: A-R-R-R-R-R-RBY´S!!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, ok, all right I think I see what´s going on here. You guys don´t know anything about me do you? The only reason you have me here is because my name has a bunch of "R" sounds in it.

Red Beard Pete: No way, Sarsgaar-r-r-d!!

Peter Sarsgaard: Really?

Red Beard Pete: We are big fans of what you do.

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, name one thing I´ve done.(Low murmuring among pirates)See? I knew it!

Red Beard Pete: Well, umm...why don´t you name some stuff you´ve done?

Peter Sarsgaard: Ok, how about "Jarhead"?

All pirates: JA-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-RHEAD!!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: Yeah, yeah ummm, "Garden State"?

All pirates: GA-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-RDEN STATE!!!

Peter Sarsgaard: "Boys don´t Cry"?

All pirates: Ummm,(very little enthusiasm)

Red Beard Pete: Sarsgaard, we be owing ye an apology. The only reason we brought you here is because you´re Sarsgaard. Oh, and now is time for our musical number. Provided by your truly and Dinkins.

(Red Beard Pete and Dinkins recite along with the other pirates)

Everybody: A,B,C,D,E,F,G(Peter Sarsgaard joins in)H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,R,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pirates begin to smash bottles and glasses against the wall)

(Transcript be from here)


MrExcel MVP
Feb 1, 2003

is this a typo in your signature ?
AAARRRGGH! Cap'n Javier Snaggletooth wants to know your Priate Name.
I suppose you meant
AAARRRGGH! Cap'n Javier Snaggletooth wants to know your Primate Name. :LOL:


Well-known Member
Jul 16, 2002
This sailor sees a beaten up old pirate in the corner of the Tavern. The pirate typically has the wooden peg leg, a hook for his right hand and the proverbial black eye patch. Feeling a mite sorry for him, the sailor approaches and offers to refill his tankard. After a few beers the pirate relaxes and gets chatty.

"So how did you lose the leg?" asks the sailor.

"Aarrr, we was chasing this Spaniard for two weeks, a gold carrier she was, we finally got close enough for the grappling hooks and I was swinging across to her when I fell in the **** water. Aarr, I thought I was a gonner when this **** great shark came up and bit my leg clean off."

"BeJesus" (he was an Irish sailor), "What happened next?"

"Aarr, well I never thought I'd do it, but I managed to climb up the side of the Spaniard. I got my hand on the rail when the cursed Bosun chopped it clean off with his cutlass"

"OMG" exclaimed the sailor, "and how did you lose the eye?"

"Aarr, well that happened about a month later, I was looking up at the sails when a seagull crapped in my eye"

"A seagull crapped in your eye? That wouldn't cause you to lose it!"

"Aarr it did.....first day with the hook"


Well-known Member
Apr 28, 2004
Office Version
  1. 365
  1. Windows
How's this for a 'pirate' name?

Agnostic Conroy Smithe

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