Clean humor.

repairman615

Well-known Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2009
Messages
1,885
This string walks into a pub, asks the bartender for a drink.

The barkeeper takes a look and politly says "Sorry mate, we don't serve strings here.".

Flustered, the string leaves yet very thirsty.

Outside the determined string loops himself a few times and puffs out his ends a bit... walks back into the establishment.

"Hey brewmaster, how 'bout a drink."

The mixoligist is slightly confused, says "Aren't you that same string from a few minutes ago?"

"No, I am afraid not" :eek:
:LOL:




Cheers (y)

Unknown source.
 

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Joe4

MrExcel MVP, Junior Admin
Joined
Aug 1, 2002
Messages
55,916
Office Version
  1. 365
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A duck walks into a County Store, and asks the owner if he has any duck feed. The owner says, "I'm sorry, I don't. We have no demand for it, so I don't carry it." The duck turns and leaves the store.

The next day the duck returns and asks the owner if he has any duck feed. The owner says, "I told you yesterday, I don't carry it. There is no demand for it. I will never carry it." The duck turns and leaves the store.

The next day the duck returns and once again asks the owner if he has any duck feed. The owner, fed up and losing his patience screams "I told you the two past days, I do not have any duck feed!!! Stop coming in here and asking for it. If you ask for it one more time, I'LL NAIL YOUR LITTLE WEBBED FEET TO MY FLOOR!!!". The duck turns and leaves the store.

The very next day, the duck returns again. The owner, beside himself, yells "WHAT DO YOU WANT???". The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?". The owner replies, "NO I DO NOT!!!".
The duck then asks, "Then do you have any duck feed?".
 

Scott Huish

MrExcel MVP
Joined
Mar 17, 2004
Messages
19,958
Office Version
  1. 365
  2. 2010
Platform
  1. Windows
396079_489733161056142_824707022_n.jpg
 

delaneyjm

Well-known Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2009
Messages
624
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

… Because he felt crummy.
 

Scott Huish

MrExcel MVP
Joined
Mar 17, 2004
Messages
19,958
Office Version
  1. 365
  2. 2010
Platform
  1. Windows

ADVERTISEMENT

If you have 5 fish and 3 drown, how many fish do you have left?
 

TinaP

Well-known Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2005
Messages
523
Q. Why do gorillas have big noses?

A. Because they have big fingers.
 

Joe4

MrExcel MVP, Junior Admin
Joined
Aug 1, 2002
Messages
55,916
Office Version
  1. 365
Platform
  1. Windows
Hotpepper,

What does the legend on your pie chart say? I can't read it.
 

xenou

MrExcel MVP
Joined
Mar 2, 2007
Messages
16,793
Office Version
  1. 2019
Platform
  1. Windows
^^
Pie I have eaten (series color is the same silver as the bottom of the cake tin)
Pie I have not yet eaten (series color is the same yellow as the color of the pie)

:ROFLMAO:
 

Jonmo1

MrExcel MVP
Joined
Oct 12, 2006
Messages
44,061
If you have 5 fish and 3 drown, how many fish do you have left?

5

Fish don't drown, they live in water....duh.
No matter if 2 or 3 of the fish died because of any cause, you still have 5 fish.
2 or 3 of them are dead, but you still have them.
At least untill you flush the dead ones.
 

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