Clean humor.

[repairman615]

This string walks into a pub, asks the bartender for a drink.

The barkeeper takes a look and politly says "Sorry mate, we don't serve strings here.".

Flustered, the string leaves yet very thirsty.

Outside the determined string loops himself a few times and puffs out his ends a bit... walks back into the establishment.

"Hey brewmaster, how 'bout a drink."

The mixoligist is slightly confused, says "Aren't you that same string from a few minutes ago?"

"No, I am afraid not"





Cheers

Unknown source.

 

[Joe4]

A duck walks into a County Store, and asks the owner if he has any duck feed. The owner says, "I'm sorry, I don't. We have no demand for it, so I don't carry it." The duck turns and leaves the store.

The next day the duck returns and asks the owner if he has any duck feed. The owner says, "I told you yesterday, I don't carry it. There is no demand for it. I will never carry it." The duck turns and leaves the store.

The next day the duck returns and once again asks the owner if he has any duck feed. The owner, fed up and losing his patience screams "I told you the two past days, I do not have any duck feed!!! Stop coming in here and asking for it. If you ask for it one more time, I'LL NAIL YOUR LITTLE WEBBED FEET TO MY FLOOR!!!". The duck turns and leaves the store.

The very next day, the duck returns again. The owner, beside himself, yells "WHAT DO YOU WANT???". The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?". The owner replies, "NO I DO NOT!!!".
The duck then asks, "Then do you have any duck feed?".

 

[Scott Huish]

 

[delaneyjm]

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

… Because he felt crummy.

 

[Scott Huish]

If you have 5 fish and 3 drown, how many fish do you have left?

 

[TinaP]

Q. Why do gorillas have big noses?

A. Because they have big fingers.

 

[repairman615]

If you have 5 fish and 3 drown, how many fish do you have left?

3




What do you call a bull that is sleeping?

 

[Joe4]

Hotpepper,

What does the legend on your pie chart say? I can't read it.

 

[xenou]

^^
Pie I have eaten (series color is the same silver as the bottom of the cake tin)
Pie I have not yet eaten (series color is the same yellow as the color of the pie)

 

[Jonmo1]

If you have 5 fish and 3 drown, how many fish do you have left?

5

Fish don't drown, they live in water....duh.
No matter if 2 or 3 of the fish died because of any cause, you still have 5 fish.
2 or 3 of them are dead, but you still have them.
At least untill you flush the dead ones.