WHY!

[gingerafro]

Greg has made an incredibly good (and arguably the best) comment on this thread.

Have you noticed the quality of the responses you received by posting your question in the lounge of an Excel forum?

blondiechick, this is a conversation. We may not all be looking at each other, but this is what it is. And you are good at it.

Please let me tell you about something called Maslow's Hierachy of needs. We all have needs and once our basic needs are fulfilled, we move to the next level.

Here is the list of levels.
1. Biological and Physiological needs - air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sleep, etc.

2. Safety needs - protection from elements, security, order, law, limits, stability, etc.

3. Belongingness and Love needs - work group, family, affection, relationships, etc.

4. Esteem needs - self-esteem, achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, managerial responsibility, etc.

5. Self-Actualization needs - realising personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences

The theory is as follows:
If your needs at a certain level are not fulfilled you cannot get to the next level.
ie,You can't motivate someone to achieve their sales target (level 4) when they're having problems with their marriage (level 3).
You can't expect someone to work as a team member (level 3) when they're having their house re-possessed (level 2).

Therefore, the bottom needs need to sorted (sort the marriage out / get the house back) and then move on.

This theory can apply to different parts of your life. eg going to the gym.
1. Have the gear to go to the gym
2. Know that you won't get hurt by going
3. By going regularly, you 'belong' to the gym. Maybe smile at other regulars or say hello. Its easy
4. Now you feel better about yourself for going. You have self esteem. Others say how well you are doing. "Another 10 seconds of a 5k? Well Done"
5. Then you are ready to better yourself and be pleased with yourself.

So, work out where you are. Sort the bits of your life that stop you from moving on. Believe in the bits of you that are good. You are good at conversations. You do go to the gym. You like Excel. These things will radiate to others.

You only came out of high school 3 years ago. You are still very young so don't worry about getting married yet. Don't put pressure on yourself because there is no need to.

Hang out here. Improving your excel skills is certainly one way of moving up the pyramid and you will be having converations with many genuine people.

 

[Cbrine]

Blondie,

Coming from someone who lost a friend recently that was a direct result of a bad ending to a relationship, Take Todd's advice.


Go to a counsellor.

Can't hurt, and it might help.

Cal

PS-10 years from now you will be looking back at this time and wondering what the heck you were worried about, although it may not seem like it now.

 

[blondiechick]

Yeah, I have been told that jm14 not to fall in to that trap. It cost me once, there was this nice guy and I turned him against me because I was bashing guys every time. He couldn't stand it anymore, so he doesnt talk to me anymore.

I actually started doing light weight lifting exericses last month. Before, I would do cardio to the extreme, then I decided... well I want to get toned and some what musclar, but not that obivious. Its kinda embarassing though, because here I am lifting 15 pounds for this dumbbell exericse, when I see guys doing 50+. I don't let it get to me though, plus I can't hear if they are saying anything mean because I have my music! lol! I don't think I would everrr go up to a guy and ask to do a set. Mostly, because I would embarass myself, and the guy might think I am trying to hard. Guys here.... are stuck up, so I really don't know what to expect from anyone.

I know the guys on this board are kind, thoughtful and everything you described. I wish there I could find guys like that here! I guess guys in their early 20's are confused.. or something, I don't know what it is. Plus! All the nice guys are taken, because they are sweethearts and girls will choose them over a bad stupid guy anyday.

I am not depressed. Just angry. I am emotional and I hate it, but I let things get to me. I know things will get better. Its just this excel class is one of the hardest classes I have taken so far. I wish I could be totally awesome with it, but I guess I will never get it. I don't think I need a counsellor. I really don't like expressing myself in front of people. I usually write things for that, hoping that one day.. I will have my poems published. lol. Its a pipedream! lol. Thats what I think from time to time. 10 years ago i will be like what the heck, WHY did I even care about that stupid thing!

I looked over the Maslows Hierachy of needs. i never saw that before. Thanks. I should follow that, because I actually believe it. I just hope that I can improve my skills in excel. I really am not good at math, so I see excel as this evil program because usually you use it for numbers. Even when I complete the assignement, I have to use a calculator just to make sure its right. That is how much of a loser I am.

Thanks so much for all your replies! You guys are so awesome and great.

 

[Todd Bardoni]

I don't know what your idea of depression is, so let me be clear:- anger = depression...and you are definitely angry, or, in other words, depressed. Most cousellors would describe depression as anger turned inwards. And when you write words such as "destroy", and "bash" and "sickens" it is so obvious you have a lot of internal anger. If you don't take care of it, it'll only get worse.

Take care of yourself. Because if you can't take care of yourself, how do you expect to be able to take care of a boyfriend, husband, or relationship?

 

[blondiechick]

Can't people deal with it themselves? I never thought of depression as being anger turned inwards, but it does make sense. I don't really write about bash and things like that- just heartbreak.

When I was dating someone a few months ago, I was able to take care of him, even though we did not click. I usually care for people rather than myself, and I think that is a mistake right there.

 

[Joe4]

I guess guys in their early 20's are confused.. or something, I don't know what it is. Plus! All the nice guys are taken, because they are sweethearts and girls will choose them over a bad stupid guy anyday.

Be careful, you are falling into that generality trap again! Many people in their early 20's are confused (it sounds like you are pretty confused yourself).

If you really believed all the nice guys are taken, then why would you even try, as it would be a fruitless endeavor? I don't really think you believe this, or else you wouldn't have posted this. That doesn't mean that finding the right person will be easy or quick, it probably won't be. However, there are things you can do to help the process along, mainly by sorting through your own issues first.

Someone once told me, if you can't make yourself happy, don't expect someone else to make you happy. Learn how to make yourself happy first, and the rest will come naturally.

 

[blondiechick]

Someone told me that also. YOu can't make someone happy, they have to be happy themselves, and vice-versa. I decided not to date anyone now. I don't have time and I want to try and get this awesome body. lol. My brother told me I am weird, and I am turning into him, because I am obsessed with going to the gym. Anyways, I don't plan on getting married until I am 30, so its pointless to date now. I just miss that feeling when you are dating someone. Ick, it kinda makes me sick writing about it. But, that butterfly feeling you get when you are with someone.

 

[MarkAndrews]

Enjoy being single while you still can

 

[Andrew Fergus]

Going back to the subject of beauty - is it any wonder some people have a distorted view of beauty? This short movie is very interesting :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knEIM16NuPg

 

[Richard Schollar]

Andrew, I see you've let the cat out of the bag as to how you spend those 'efficiency gains' you were talking about in the OnlyADrafter thread...