Here's one option to get you started. This does not stop someone from selecting the Sheet tabs Window option via Tools > Options > View (which I think is part of your second post), but this code will make those tabs disappear with your 'orrible slag message.
This code is triggered by a Workbook level event, when any cell is selected in any sheet after the tabs are displayed. You can augment this approach by copying the code in other workbook events, such as SheetActivate, SheetCalculate, and BeforePrint, etc.
The advantage to this approach, which you touched on, is to give a message to the 'orrible slag users that their attempt to display the sheet tabs is not successful because of your intentional workbook design, instead of them thinking their computer doesn't work properly.
Anyway, here's a start at getting what you want.
Right click on your workbook icon (to the left of the File menu option near the upper left corner of the monitor screen), left click on View Code, and paste this in:
Private Sub Workbook_SheetSelectionChange(ByVal Sh As Object, ByVal Target As Range)
If ActiveWindow.DisplayWorkbookTabs = True Then
MsgBox "Sheet tabs may not be accessed.", 16, _
"Back off you 'orrible slag !!"
ActiveWindow.DisplayWorkbookTabs = False
End If
End Sub
HTH